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Caps for Sale: A Tale of a Peddler, Some Monkeys and Their Monkey Business

by Tom Costello

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1.
Wax Wings 04:12
I don’t give a fuck, it’s all relative, Hella kids try to call me out ‘cause I’m eloquent Elephant, grey skin abrasions something bout melanin Donkey Kong talk, and the honkeys-tonk elegant Desolate rhetoric, politic veterans Bedouins, but I’ll still better than ‘em Pacman Jonesing for pill pops better stop and take your medicine, yum Self esteem pedagogy put it all on a pedestal, fun Smash a rental and run, no gas, leave it in the ghetto, gun In the glove box, backseat stainless smang it and fuck off Baby name it Seamus and guffaw, just don’t be brainless good god Suddenly man it’s cool to be literate Straight out the Bellagio acting belligerent Your dick it’s bigger than mine, I think it’s a sign Victimless crime, except for you, Shoot up a school, everyone’s crying except for you Supposedly stunning, all emotionally stunted Like my daddy paddy wacked Dolph Lundgren in the stomach, Watching Caddy Shack, Groundhog’s Day relive it till the ratings plummet Gaining weight and wunderkinds, Wang Xiameg, Ramanujan Apathetic generation gazing at the void like it’s buffering Diet sierra mist, a heretic with a heritage Derelict, broken window theory, call you parasitic God damnit we’re Americans it’s fair as shit Stick a lozenge in forget we’re bombing terrorists It’s embarrassing, herding sheepszz like a shepherd It’s hurting bearing these bonds but Barry still holds the record How’d it go from Nina Simone, Otis Redding To coldest winter cokeheads in a coastal setting Flying Dutchmen shipwrecked on Reddit Honus Wagner with cul-de-saccharine water treading We pee on peons, terribadders tearing bladders Herrings of the red persuasion, Chekhov’s gun is so distracting Dang namnit I’m rabid ya silly rabbits This summer evening it’s hunting season Bugs is on the blacklist No carrot and a stick I’ll tear your larynx with my dick Stick a lozenge in forget we’re bombing some terrorists God damnit we’re Americans, determinism isn’t real Fuck poor people satire doesn’t have Mass Appeal Love Guru goody two shoes Mike Myers for hire Scooby Doo dudes it’s Halloween I’ll slash your tires Pacifier, Beez in the trapper keeper with a bag of reefer Yabba dabba doo have Reeses Pieces and a visa Please sir, could I have summore, ET can’t afford Eating casserole from the gas and go, edit out the gunlore Heavy-handed metaphors, yo Gabba grab the glory Bask in poor peeps eating Baskin Robbins watching Maury Real trial William Hung jury William Tell me this, it’s overt, sure If I died tomorrow would the world be over?
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Skinny Love 05:32
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WHYUMADTHO 02:14
why you mad though, I'm an asshole, isn't that dope crackerjack rapper with a smack of jack daniel's time to get cancelled, go and make a laniard end up in a land fill, this isn't summer camp fool damsel in distress, end up unimpressed underdressed for this flesh that we peel off reel off all the reasons why you feel off, keel over, talking bout hats and shoes bruises, black and blue, that'll have to do pig, another trussed up new kid never trust a cool kid, stupid obsessed with self esteem, the self is teeming with scars that make us human deuces and bruised hips, as useless as loose lips that sink ships, I sink putts and fuck big BUTTS and plus I don't blush when I talk about it everybody lies to you, want to talk about it? block it out or blog about it, tucker out or duck around it fuck around and cuckold a clown without a cloud in the sky lonely luck of the draw don't be proud to be smiling if you're wilding you should be, last name two shoes first name goody mob, grab some concrete sneaks put a hoodie on could be armed, don't know if I should be awed woe be gone hoes be gone, light side, obi wan tenuous links that pass as metaphors, drake what kind of rapper's never tried purple drank what kind of rapper's never even gotten paid I don't know about the rapture i'm not tryna get saved wait, go shorty it's your death day, sip bacardi till we get faded, mayday, mayday, it's may 5th, cinco de mayo that's some shit you don't play with hey chick, waitress, I feel strangely violated check please lest these testees get ungracious lil b i'm the basedest, or the bestests, don't get restless, or be saying what I said bitch straight outta easy street, jeezy pete don't give a fuck if you see me weep I be bleeding in eden eating ambrosia soldier of the dvd's what.fm sold ya hold up, I'm a soldier, bout to blow up j. cole ain't know what happened when I show up why you mad though.
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lackadaisical laxative, say that i'm the shit that shit is passionless and overplayed won't complain though, just put an asterisk next to my name because I plagiarize half my shit lecherous as lazaras, which to my knowledge is not that much but then my knowledge is not that much, smoked half a blunt like half a month ago, so yeah probably dude I gotta go failings impossible it's a synch like kim possible's obstacles professor mcgonagall couldn't stop my rhyming skills or my ramen noodle makin skills, this is nonsensical but I could be in Mensa tho, you might be in menopause, you should go get tested yo, is there even a test for those I don't even effin know, mario, letsa go knock hockey, best of four, or five dope, eyes wide closed hive mind in a gold mine on his hind toes if you know what that means, please let me fucking know but it's got an undertone, with dirt under toe I'm current like an undertow, I don't even fuckin know sound like an amateur because my rhyme scheme is off ima be a bleeding heart teacher with a piece of chalk got blood on my typewriter, i'm a dirty hipster quoting hemmingway, write until you've got blisters white lighting because black lightning was too scary and it wouldn't really light up shit, but whose counting the only person with grills should be the tooth fairy YEAH. nigga i'll turn you red as a blue berry, YEAH don't make me get my goon, terry aka hulk hogan, but he's got a sex tape so he's out boning going bowling like a detective in the 60s I'll go get a tiger from, well…now it's just Sigfreid it used to be this other dude too, don't make me explode your brain like I was mew two who do what you do, words like voodoo speak urdo or don't, or hindu chop shit like mace windu and kick through windows, bimbos with big 'fros and big holes and rings on their big toes don't fricken know, how to get to the kitchen, hoes just kiddin i'm with feminism isn't it funny honey, the beat claps like your meat flaps and I relapse with cunning honey fasting, rap thing with a nasty wit call me the hunger artist kaufka can grab a dick say justice is just us, than say fuck it and throw the dumb shit under the bus and cuss, and roughhouse till a gun goes bluh blow and cuts down the dude throwing rocks in the crowd right in the crown, it's a little ironic, right might be a coincidence I never know the difference another drunken belligerent calling women cunts and wondering where his women went I got so many bars you should call me an irishman get really stereotypical when I drink Heineken i'm an impeccable specimen, if you're studying peccable specimens like if you were a bird scientist or some shit you'll get it when you're high, i'm high as a ditch click clack on the trick track as we kick back call my dick whiplash, cuz it hurts people don't know about ernie but i'm sure as shit burt's evil fucking pigeons are nasty ass things fucking fucking rats with nasty ass wings just kidding I don't have convictions that'd be uncool or maybe now it'd be kinda cool, times change I'm a fool but fools were the shit in shakespeare you don't know shit over compensate and shake your spear all I do is fuck bitches get Monet, all I do is fuck bitches get Monet dude was a great painted okay? say dope say yo say doh, if you say so i'm an odyssey if you're Homer than i'll mold ya like play dough we don't play though, hey yo hey ya outkast, sorry ms jackson, your daughters kinda fat though something something something the point is I'm an asshole i'm like kendrick lamar asher roth and das racist mixed with asimov never backing off, check those references i'm so cool so self aware, you wish you thought of this first generation self aware, colder than winter and maybe this is all an excuse for me to be lazy when I write raps too meta for you, think it's time for a night cap, night 'captain (pause) no i'ma fight back and rap till the song fades out or breaks down, or whatever it is that songs do this was my attempt to relate to you this was my attempt to relate to you when I think of a better ending i'll page it to you BITCHHHHHHHHHHHH
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credits

released March 14, 2013

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Wisdumb New York, New York

we really outheere

two kids from nyc. all we do is rap and not rap. that's like all we ever do.

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